From time to time we will be posting questions and answers from our Members at Ask-A-Sex Addict. We invite YOU to submit your questions to Ask a Sex Addict/Compulsive (SAC) in Recovery. This is a recent question put forth by a visitor.
“How does obsessive pornography behavior get started?”
Ask a Sex Addict/Compulsive (SAC) #2
I’m sure that question is answered differently from everyone. There seems to be some childhood anxiety involved. Often abuse and trauma too.
If I look at how this obsession appears to me, I can imagine a teenager who’s starting puberty and feeling those overwhelming, hormonal impulses we know as crushes.
Suppose that this is a guy who has a crush on a beautiful cheerleader at school but she does not choose to notice him. He is now confronted with taking on personal growth challenges to develop his social skills and appearance in the world. Maybe he wants to become athletic and intelligent. These efforts may be very challenging, ultimately rewarding and could eventually lead a young man through many years of healthy growth through an archetypal “Hero’s Journey”.
Now take that same kid, full of those overwhelming hormones, etc. who is sitting at a computer and falling head-first into online porn. His mind doesn’t differentiate between what it’s seeing, feeling and the stark reality of his undeveloped nature. What the mind can see and feel is as real as anything.
Once online, this boy may feel like he just achieved ultimate intimacy and acceptance from the cheerleader of his dreams, and many other (seemingly endless) sexual triumphs. So what happens to his naturally driven desire to develop?
Odds are that he may just dismiss the whole challenge (to grow up). If guys get truly hooked on pornography they would likely soon tire of whomever they had a real-life crush on to opt-out for the almost infinite opportunity available from the ‘girls online’ who are always there; who are without any personal needs; who are always open and accepting of him; and without any effort on his part whatsoever! He may not develop himself emotionally in a natural way, if ever at all.
I fear that humanity may have a generation or two of these underdeveloped people, some may even eventually assume leadership positions in society. That’s a frightening thought.
––by Scott, a 46-year old SAC in recovery for a year, in response to a reader’s question.