Q- Have your deceptions caused you to not believe others so easily?
Answer- Absolutely. After my own extended duration of feeling ‘possessed’ with addiction, and the extent that I was hiding and protecting it, I realize how easy that was for me. Addiction generates an incredible wall of denial around it. I believe that I have a fairly good and honorable nature but this compulsion overtook that nature entirely. I was obviously lying to my wife but I was even lying to my addiction therapist and 12-Step groups, thinking that if I could convince others that I was doing good then I must be. But the biggest lie was to myself. If I could honestly believe that I was doing OK and getting away with lying to myself then the split within me was beyond my control. Luckily I was not that good of a liar and was tripped up by my own convoluted layers of excuses that eventually became too complicated and unsubstantiated, so just dissolved, leaving me exposed and honest. So, yes, my own ability to deceive even loved ones (who knew me really well!) caused me to wonder how often, and how deep other people’s deceptions might be. All in all, not a great way to live. Today, living a transparent life has allowed me to expect that same level of honesty from others I interact with.