I’ve just read your comment and am so saddened at what you’re going through. Your experience and how your husband’s SA has impacted you sounds so much like my own experience. I don’t know what part of Australia you live in but just wanted to let you know that there are many 12-step groups for both the SA and their (unfortunate!) spouses. In Sydney, for example, I think there are something like 13 SLAA meetings a week in various locations. You might want to google SLAA or SAA (I think there are also other 12-step groups for SAs) and also S-Anon (a group for spouses, there may also be others in Australia if you have a search on the internet) in your city or town. There are also many online support groups.

I hope that helps and wish you nothing but the best of luck to get through this truly awful time.

Silla

I thought our marriage was perfect. I enjoy sex and I have always been a good and faithful wife. I am so devastated that I can’t function as a person. I had a successful business but I can’t bring myself to be around people. My business is virtually non-existent now. Like Jasmin I don’t like to be around other married couples because it reminds me of my own failed marriage. I have isolated myself from my family and friends. I am a wreck of a human being. I am so embarrassed and feel so useless and worthless that I won’t talk to anyone about my problems. Only 2 people know my story and I’m sure they don’t understand why I’m still with my husband.

The truth is I am there for 2 reasons;
1. I like being married to my husband. He makes me laugh and I enjoy his company. I am still very attracted to him
2. I can’t afford to leave

I live in Australia where as far as I know there are no support groups for my husband or women like me. We have spent a small fortune on counselling that we really can’t afford. Most was a waste of money. My husband did however find a counsellor who specialised in the treatment of sexual compulsives/addicts and she seemed to be the most helpful. She said my husband’s problems stem from his disfunctional and sometimes violent childhood. His fetish for older women was a result of his mother asking him to wash her back in the bath when he was in his early teens. So as an adult he sought out older prostitutes and looked at mature porn to relieve his stress.

As far as I know he has managed to stay faithful since seeing this counsellor but don’t think I will ever be able to trust him.

I feel like such a fool thinking my marriage was so perfect. How far from the truth that was. When will I ever find peace? I try to get better. I have devoured every book on the topic but I just can’t come to terms with what has happened. I just don’t know what to do.

I read of other couples who have managed to get through this and find happiness but I just don’t know how to get there myself.