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Q- Assuming that you were hiding your addiction from your wife (or partner) was there ever a time before your discovery that you felt compelled to come out with it, to tell the truth?
“Ask A Sex Addict in Recovery Your Questions”
Q- I keep reading about the shame and self-loathing of the addict. I am not seeing NONE of that! He seems proud of himself. In fact, he accuses me of being ridiculously sexually limited because I do not want to act out like he does. I am out of here, this one has no shame. What gives? Read the rest of this entry »
“Ask A Sex Addict in Recovery Your Questions”
Q- What would you most want to say to spouses or partners that they might need to know?
Q- Even though most of the construction guys that my boyfriend works with are married, they still go to strip clubs once in a while. My boyfriend has gone before but it really upset me! I know that it would anger him if I were doing that. He feels embarrassed to tell them that he “can’t go” because of me, so we argue about that. His co-workers also send him porn links that I’ve seen on his phone. I don’t know if he’s looking at those but I sure hope not! Are there any guys out there who don’t do this? I’m really starting to lose hope when I look around. My single girlfriends do not have very good news to report on this front, either. I don’t want to leave him only to find ‘more of same’ with someone else.
Q- The books I’ve read for partners (or wives) of sex addicts claim that he did not act out because he was unhappy, with either our sex life (which I always thought was good) and/or my appearance. Therefore, they suggest that I keep the focus on my own healing and not those other things. As a sex addict yourself, do you agree with this?
Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and The Erosion of Identity
by Marie-France Hirigoyen
If you have asked yourself any or all of the following questions about a love relationship—
- How did I attract a person like this?
- What have I done to deserve such cruelty/treatment/punishment?
- What did I do wrong? He used to adore me…
- Why is everything my fault?
- What can I do to make him see how he is hurting me?
Take heart, this book is a radical change from many books about relationships. Books that all too often flatly state that there are no victims in relationships. Which, of course, would imply that there are no perpetrators in relationships either. If you have been involved with a SAC and/or narcissist, you have known a perpetrator. The trouble for PoSAs is, no one will say that, validate our knowing. Read the rest of this entry »
Yesterday I got a text from a female acquaintance, G, I’d met at a writer’s meeting. We’ve had coffee together before the meeting a few times during which I heard earfuls about how difficult it is putting up with her husband, who cannot seem to stay in recovery from alcoholism.
After a dozen years of her husband’s failed sobriety efforts, this woman feels exhausted in her efforts to get him into solid, long-term recovery and help the rest of his life not fall apart so he doesn’t lose his job, and therefore, their lifestyle. So, understandably this woman is at her wit’s end. Sound familiar? Read the rest of this entry »
I responded to an article on The Good Men’s Project, written by the founder of that site, which was about how Hugh Hefner is gearing up to steamroll into the top TV-viewing slot on NBC this fall, usurping Mad Men, by unveiling his new series The Playboy Club.
I clicked on the youtube trailer for the new series and thought only, “Oh brother….here we go again” with the normalization and branding of pornography as cool, the thing to stay home and watch…
In my response to this piece about The Playboy Club, which the founder published as a featured article, I traveled back in time to when I was a Bunny myself, and recounted how the early seeds of my distaste for the effects of pornography were being sown back then.
In the week since my story was featured at Good Men Project, it was also picked up by other sites such as alternet, the hairpin (and others) where it gained popularity, as well. Read the rest of this entry »
From time to time we will be posting questions and answers from our Members at Ask-A-Sex Addict. We invite YOU to submit your questions to Ask a Sex Addict/Compulsive (SAC) in Recovery. This is a recent question put forth by a visitor.
“How does obsessive pornography behavior get started?”
Ask a Sex Addict/Compulsive (SAC) #2
I’m sure that question is answered differently from everyone. There seems to be some childhood anxiety involved. Often abuse and trauma too.
If I look at how this obsession appears to me, I can imagine a teenager who’s starting puberty and feeling those overwhelming, hormonal impulses we know as crushes.
A so-called Muslim woman recently bared all for the German edition of Playboy magazine.
Sita Sahin, 25, proudly boasted, “What I want to say with these photos is, girls, we don’t have to live according to the rules imposed upon us,” Sahin was quoted in Playboy.
“For years I subordinated myself to various societal constraints. The Playboy photo shoot was a total act of liberation.”
