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A Very Blessed 2012 to You All!
Last night, New Year’s Eve, some dear friends came over and I suggested that before running off to various other parties that beckoned, that we share three things with each other:
What one thing were we most grateful for in this past year?
What one thing were we willing to let go of in 2012?
What were we feeling brave enough to consciously bring into our lives in the upcoming year?
Q- Why don’t addicts ask us partners questions to better understand what we have been through and what we now currently need from them? They seem to have no interest in anything but themselves.
Q- The books I’ve read for partners (or wives) of sex addicts claim that he did not act out because he was unhappy, with either our sex life (which I always thought was good) and/or my appearance. Therefore, they suggest that I keep the focus on my own healing and not those other things. As a sex addict yourself, do you agree with this?
Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and The Erosion of Identity
by Marie-France Hirigoyen
If you have asked yourself any or all of the following questions about a love relationship—
- How did I attract a person like this?
- What have I done to deserve such cruelty/treatment/punishment?
- What did I do wrong? He used to adore me…
- Why is everything my fault?
- What can I do to make him see how he is hurting me?
Take heart, this book is a radical change from many books about relationships. Books that all too often flatly state that there are no victims in relationships. Which, of course, would imply that there are no perpetrators in relationships either. If you have been involved with a SAC and/or narcissist, you have known a perpetrator. The trouble for PoSAs is, no one will say that, validate our knowing. Read the rest of this entry »
Yesterday I got a text from a female acquaintance, G, I’d met at a writer’s meeting. We’ve had coffee together before the meeting a few times during which I heard earfuls about how difficult it is putting up with her husband, who cannot seem to stay in recovery from alcoholism.
After a dozen years of her husband’s failed sobriety efforts, this woman feels exhausted in her efforts to get him into solid, long-term recovery and help the rest of his life not fall apart so he doesn’t lose his job, and therefore, their lifestyle. So, understandably this woman is at her wit’s end. Sound familiar? Read the rest of this entry »
From time to time we will be posting questions and answers from our Members at Ask-A-Sex Addict. We invite YOU to submit your questions to Ask a Sex Addict/Compulsive (SAC) in Recovery. This is a recent question put forth by a visitor.
“How does obsessive pornography behavior get started?”
Ask a Sex Addict/Compulsive (SAC) #2
I’m sure that question is answered differently from everyone. There seems to be some childhood anxiety involved. Often abuse and trauma too.
If I look at how this obsession appears to me, I can imagine a teenager who’s starting puberty and feeling those overwhelming, hormonal impulses we know as crushes.
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse
by Barbara Steffens, Ph.D, & Marsha Means, M.A.
Before you allow yourself to be labeled a co-addict, or even a codependent, by a well-meaning therapist, a 12-Step group or the sex addict in your life—read this book! To date, this is the best book available for partners of sex addicts and its message is critical for partners of sex addicts. We highly recommend this title as the first book you read. We recommend it also for clergy/counselors and anyone who is aware that sex addiction is affecting the life of a congregant or client. Currently it is available in book format only, no audio or ebook available at this writing.
An aside: if you set out reading about his addiction, his wounds, his traumas, the recovery process may well become just like the relationship prior to discovery—all about him. Do you think for a minute he is reading about the effects his actions have had upon you? Not even a prayer of a chance that is happening. After what you have been through, it is your turn. Demand that much. Read about yourself.
A so-called Muslim woman recently bared all for the German edition of Playboy magazine.
Sita Sahin, 25, proudly boasted, “What I want to say with these photos is, girls, we don’t have to live according to the rules imposed upon us,” Sahin was quoted in Playboy.
“For years I subordinated myself to various societal constraints. The Playboy photo shoot was a total act of liberation.”
Assessment questionnaires aimed at identifying the consequences of sexual compulsion/addiction invariably ask “How much money do you spend on your habit?”
When the person responding is a porn addict/compulsive the answer is often zero dollars, reporting that their porn is of the “free” variety, found copiously all over the Internet. Being able to answer this assessment question with a gleeful $0.00, they don’t consider the real “costs” of their habit. They often feel superior to other men who get caught up in the high expense of escort services, virtual sex, massage parlors, strip clubs, etc. Like gloating about sneaking in the back door of a strip club without paying the cover charge that the other men have to pay, these users have an strikingly adolescent short-sightedness to their free porn, their “savings.”