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How Porn Hurts Us
by Lili Bee
Have you ever struggled to convey how deeply porn use disturbs you without tripping over your words? Without stammering? What about when the points you want to make about it reflect very strong beliefs you hold, but the person you’re conversing with not only doesn’t agree, but they don’t even seem to care?
Anticipating just such trouble ahead, have you ever rehearsed your points beforehand so you can confront someone later, only to have your anger get the better of you and instead your husband (or partner) dismisses your concerns?
I got a call last week from a producer of a huge daytime talk show, hosted by a celebrity and all. They wanted to know if I had ever been on TV before because they’d like me to appear in an upcoming episode they were putting together. I got all excited and then remembered I never asked, “What’s the show going to be about?”
Q- Please describe a genuine apology/amends-making. His apologies seem feeble and he does not seem in the least bit sorry that he hurt me, he seems sorry that he got caught.
“Ask A Sex Addict in Recovery Your Questions”
Q- What would you most want to say to spouses or partners that they might need to know?
Q- Even though most of the construction guys that my boyfriend works with are married, they still go to strip clubs once in a while. My boyfriend has gone before but it really upset me! I know that it would anger him if I were doing that. He feels embarrassed to tell them that he “can’t go” because of me, so we argue about that. His co-workers also send him porn links that I’ve seen on his phone. I don’t know if he’s looking at those but I sure hope not! Are there any guys out there who don’t do this? I’m really starting to lose hope when I look around. My single girlfriends do not have very good news to report on this front, either. I don’t want to leave him only to find ‘more of same’ with someone else.
Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and The Erosion of Identity
by Marie-France Hirigoyen
If you have asked yourself any or all of the following questions about a love relationship—
- How did I attract a person like this?
- What have I done to deserve such cruelty/treatment/punishment?
- What did I do wrong? He used to adore me…
- Why is everything my fault?
- What can I do to make him see how he is hurting me?
Take heart, this book is a radical change from many books about relationships. Books that all too often flatly state that there are no victims in relationships. Which, of course, would imply that there are no perpetrators in relationships either. If you have been involved with a SAC and/or narcissist, you have known a perpetrator. The trouble for PoSAs is, no one will say that, validate our knowing. Read the rest of this entry »
MILFs and Happy Endings
Published July 19, 2011 BY Lili on Good Men Project
Is Raunch Culture invading our everyday language?
For those fortunate enough to plead ignorance to the meaning of the disrespectful MILF term, let me just say I am just plain envious. I’ve not been spared that good fortune since I have a relative who’s a raging sexual compulsive, and his idea of bonding with me is to share his latest sexual exploits with me. Since that’s a non-stop endeavor of his, I hear way too much, stop him though I try. He blames me for creating “distance” when I remind him there’s lots of other topics to talk about besides swinger vacation clubs, best strip clubs ever, and his by-now-ubiquitous “fave porn star of the day” category. Read the rest of this entry »
Yesterday I got a text from a female acquaintance, G, I’d met at a writer’s meeting. We’ve had coffee together before the meeting a few times during which I heard earfuls about how difficult it is putting up with her husband, who cannot seem to stay in recovery from alcoholism.
After a dozen years of her husband’s failed sobriety efforts, this woman feels exhausted in her efforts to get him into solid, long-term recovery and help the rest of his life not fall apart so he doesn’t lose his job, and therefore, their lifestyle. So, understandably this woman is at her wit’s end. Sound familiar? Read the rest of this entry »